just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You're a disaster
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