The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
