if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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