Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
