Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the condom got lost in my hair
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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