This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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