just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
