I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
