Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
should my penis look like a turkey
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
