just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
