Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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