Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
