you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
