All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
