I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
