Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
