Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
