PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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