her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
