There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we should paint friendship bongs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
