none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I will be naked everywhere
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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