I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
