Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
