You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
