Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
