your parents love me but you hate me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
