just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He did a backflip because drugs
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
