i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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