16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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