she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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