is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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