Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
