apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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