this just has baby written all over it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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