My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
