I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
