FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
