theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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