I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
