i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
