The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
