Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
