My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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