Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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