Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
