I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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