I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
time to smoke my breakfast
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
