can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
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