does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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