i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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