he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
