the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
