so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
