Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
