I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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