It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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