You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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