your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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