My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
