I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
