dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
