ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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