I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
