For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
