and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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