I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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