id be glad to
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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