And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
