HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
