That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
