My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize