You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
