3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
