oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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