She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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