And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
