It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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