fuck your aforementioned shoe
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
