I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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