Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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