Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
